Yes Lord Jesus Though I was once blind now I see! So many things so clearly now that I live my life for you and not myself. Judgement was a way of life for me. No forgiveness was found in me. I really never knew how to love. I was never really taught these things as a child. I lived a life of fear in a family broken by alcohol and godlessness. Thank you Father for my grand mother "Nanna" Onita Bowman who had a love for the Lord and would talk with me about Jesus in my youth to give me some knowledge of Him. She read the gospel to me on occasion and I enjoyed it. It felt good to know that someone cared about those poor Jewish people of that day and would help them. A lot of time as a child I felt scared and helpless with everything that went on in my home with my family so I could really relate. When I was eight years old I had a school friend named Chris McKenney. His dad was the cub and boy scout master in town. His dad and mom were devout Christians and went to mid week services and prayer meetings after cub scout meetings on Wednesday nights. I was in scouts so rather than go home to the country on the bus after school Chris' folks asked if I would like to join them at their home for dinner before the meeting and my folks said ok so I did. After the meeting my dad was supposed to pick me up but was late so Mr McKenney called my mom and said they would bring me home after church and not to worry about coming to get me as no one would be there when they came. She said ok. So I went to church for the very first time. Everyone seemed so happy to see each other! And wow they really were happy to meet me! It was fun. I really didn't know the songs but really enjoyed listening. The pastor preached on starting at John 18 with the arresting of Jesus and His restoring the ear of the servant to the chief priest after Peter cut it off. Then Jesus being taken away and eventually tried, beaten, and crucified. I sobbed! I couldn't help it. My grand mother had told me before of these things but never with the boldness of cold hard truth as the pastor had spoke of it! I truly believe the Lord won my heart right then and there for good but I just didn't know and accept to have His full blessing you must live the life by picking up the cross and following Him. This I did not do. At the end of the service the pastor asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus as their Lord and savior to come forward I nearly ran up there. I heard Mr McKenney chuckle as I zipped past him. They prayed with me and sprinkle poured water over my head to baptize and anointed my forehead with the oil of our Father. Then everyone there hugged me and welcomed me to God's Kingdom family. I got to tell you that was one of the nicest feelings I had ever had. I felt God's love a lot. But once I was back home all that love was gone. Back to the reality that was my life. Parents that didn't love God, or each other enough to stop abusing themselves, each other, or their children. Then I grew up and repeated a lot of the same sinful living of my parents. Finally once I had pretty much ruined my life and lost everything and everyone I loved I heard Jesus' voice speaking in my heart loader and loader! Asking me are you tired of being a loser? Do you enjoy Satan defeating you? Would you like to turn this around before it's too late? So what if some people in your life won't forgive you God will if you ask in MY NAME SAITH THE LORD! I never left you I have just been waiting for you to realize who's side your on. You can't live a life of sin and know ME! You need to pick up your cross and follow me in repentance. He nagged at me thank Him and nagged at me thank the Father in heaven in my heart until I gave in. Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me! My life is free now. I used to think drinking beer and smoking pot set me free. What a bone head! They were just chains of bondage to bind me! I forgive all who have wronged me in any way for I won't have those chains binding me either. And for those that don't want to forgive me read Matthew 7 very carefully, also Matthew 18:21-22. Your very own forgiveness rests in your own hands. As does mine. Heavenly Father please bless those with peace , and forgiveness through the loving grace that can only come from You through the blessing of Your Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ, that might be reached by this writing. In Your Service Lord ,in the name of Jesus...AMEN!!!

Thank you God for the Grace you have given me. I did nothing to deserve this forgiving love you have delivered upon me but never the less you gave it to me anyway. All I had to do was ask. I am not satisfied just to be saved I want to live in your will as much as I possibly can. Please God help me to discern who is true and who is not. Some times it's easy to see Satan and his kind for who they are, sometimes they hide in the Christian rank and file, and are very deception filled. I have traveled much in my life. I have visited many churches met many pastors. Some very Godly loving men, some impostors of pastors. Only God knows the hearts of men always but you can watch their leadership tactics and the fruit they bare. I can always tell a church where God is really touching the hearts of people. They enjoy the fruits of each others talents used to praise and worship God joyfully. I can also tell a church where no one really listens to God's will, everyone feels justified in judgement of each other. Even being misled by their pastors that brother should be his brothers keeper. Which after doing they would be in total denial of. And never allowing for anyone to point out in scripture that Jesus taught the opposite in Matthew 7. Fortunately God created me with a soft heart easily broken. God tells me in my heart, if others do not care any more for you than to break your heart then they care not for my heart either, dust off your feet and walk away. I had to do this recently. It hurt but I am still involved in other ministry tasks away from that church. That's the thing God can always use you. One thing might be wrong and you have to walk away but another door will open. As long as you love God, He will love you back and find a perfect job in His kingdom for you. And to those reading this "DO NOT LET THOSE WHO WOULD JUDGE YOU MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!"Judgement is mine saith the Lord! After all their not supposed to be judging anyone anyways. Just stay faithful to Jesus and go where your welcomed and treated with love respect and dignity. There are a lot of cults out there calling themselves churches with some pretty major deceptive control issues. Most if really examined closely are just some losers using God as a means to an end. You'll see it a lot down here in the desert southwest as they like ear tickling and fleecing the snowbirds and retirees. I am praying for those that had a negative effect on my heart to feel the need of repentance for their behavior. I've had to deflect a ton of judgement of late for an ounce of question on my part. And the question on my part could have and should have been easily addressed. It was just that, I as a person meant so little to the parties in question, they just chose to persecute me.